Clearing out the closet: When is it really time to move on?

Is it true what they say—that you can’t really get over a past love until you find a new one? It has been over four years since my last serious relationship, and now, for the first time, I am finding myself falling hard for someone else. While I find the prospect of a new love exhilarating, I can’t help but panic: Wait! I’ve still got baggage! That’s all I can think about—the damn baggage. Though my ex and I ended it almost half a decade ago, the emotional remnants are anything but long gone. We still talk on occasion, and while most of these conversations begin with nostalgia and laughter, they more often than not end with feelings of mutual disgust. While I try my best to avoid these sporadic blasts-to-the-pasts, it is--as all women know--easier said than done.

Now here I am looking into the eyes of another guy, a guy who is everything that I have been looking for, and all I can think about is the baggage that this beautiful, blossoming relationship may someday leave behind. How will I make room? Is it possible to have serious baggage with two different men? I can barely handle the first one! Maybe it is true: that this new love will officially clear out my cluttered closet once and for all. But my biggest fear is that all of this “stuff,” this stuff that has been discreetly burdening my love and sex life for four years, will never really go away. The memories both good and bad, the ghosts of an amazing chemistry long lost, the smiles, the tears, the promises, the betrayals—what if all of this baggage doesn’t disappear but is merely recycled? How does a woman enter into a new relationship without considering the heavy load that was left by the last? How do we know if it’s really worth it?

We always hear it: Everyone’s got baggage. And while dealing with the weight of the past is never easy, it has to be done, one way or another. I am not a believer in serial monogamy—in finding a new love simply to replace an old. I am a believer, however, in moving on, and in my case, my baggage is worn out. Okay, so maybe I do have more baggage in my future…so what? I could use a fresh set.